Condemned Criminal Origins

You know, growing up in New York City you learn there are certain places you shouldn’t go. Some subway lines are to be avoided in the lightless hours. A few streets and, well, burroughs do not have a grand reputation for personal safety. And anyone who strays into the tunnels of the subway system is destined to be eaten by Morlocks. The survival horror adventure Condemned – Criminal Origins explores this view of big city life to extreme, even silly lengths.

First Impressionsby Tanx - Video Game Reviews by a Very Busy Math Teacher

Played For: about 13 hours

In this game you play young FBI agent Ethan Thomas, the only guy at the Bureau who has no idea how to reload a gun. As he is in the habit of tossing away any firearm after he goes through the generally two or three bullets it comes loaded with, Ethan spends a lot of time hitting thugs with pipes, electrical conduits, “caution – wet floor” signs and just about any other blunt object he can find, including his forehead.

And there are a lot of thugs to beat up! Apparently the city is crawling with homicidal maniacs at night, cavorting around the subways, old libraries and schools, steam tunnels and even the streets. Ethan can barely fetch groceries without being molested by indigent bums with wild piercings and scruffy clothes wielding fire axes and broken plywood. Luckily, Ethan is himself a homicidal maniac, and is happy to kill, mangle, spindle and otherwise murder his way through this raving crowd of underprivileged druggies in order to… solve a murder?

This is where the logic of the game breaks down a bit. It is kind of hard to care about your own murder investigation when you are murderin’ left and right, and in constant mortal peril as well. True, you’ve been ridiculously “framed” for the deaths of two police officers so catching this particular perp could spell exoneration. But in this world of indiscriminate killin’, it feels like you can get more accomplished with your rusty nails plywood than by carrying a badge.

Nonetheless, the game has you dutifully tromp through increasingly decrepit and dark locales, squaring off in hand to hand combat with freaky mutant misanthropes. And here’s where I am forced to give some serious praise… this game has genuinely creepy moments, and amazingly vile visuals. I’m a very jaded video game player, and it takes a lot to force me to disquiet. This game raised my hackles an unusually large number of times with its no-holds barred combination of gore and phantasmagoric hallucination (did I mention poor Ethan is slowly going bananas?) Like a nastier version of Silent Hill, the dripping steam tunnels and mannequin-lined abandoned department stores allowed the creative team to deliver unexpected chills. Kudos to Monolith… they know their horror!

It is too bad the plot is so dumb and the dialogue and voice-acting consistently ridiculous. Character speech is blasé, with no emotional attachment or interest in the unusual circumstances enveloping them. While using your forensics equipment is kind of fun, it never provides a surprise of any kind… the plot is as predictable as Brittney Spears’ latest meltdown. And about as ugly as well. A little more suspense and character development would have gone a long way towards elevating this game from its B-movie status.

While the controls were tolerable, Ethan has a way of bobbing his head up and down as he moves that makes the camera view both awkward and slightly nauseating. He’s a big guy with no neck, which may account for his slow response to player commands, but doesn’t diminish the frustration of maneuvering him in combat. Perhaps he’s had a few too many doughnuts in life… Ethan gets stuck on corners, stymied by small piles of debris, and otherwise handles like a sluggish water buffalo loose in the city.

The game did feature one of my favorite achievement goals to date, however. Ethan gains gamer points by finding dead birds around each level and picking them up. You get to reach out and touch birds in all stages of decay, from still barely flapping to skeletal remnant… Ethan seems to want them all. Just what he does with the six or seven dead birds he collects each level is up to player speculation.

In the end Condemned stands as the scariest goriest 360 game I’ve played to date, a bit of an odd duck, rough around the edges, but a decent thrill ride nonetheless. Good for fans of horror who can avoid trying to classify it as a first-person shooter, Condemned offers a promisingly dark world with definite sequel potential.