Portal The Orange Box

First Impressions by Tanx
Video Game Reviews by a Very Busy Math Teacher

Play for: 4 Hours

The Orange Box is a video game compilation produced and published by Valve, which contains Half-Life 2, Half-Life 2: Episode One, Half-Life 2: Episode Two, Portal, and Team Fortress 2. The definitive next-generation shooter action experience from the creators of Half-Life. The Orange Box delivers five innovative games from Valve, creators of the blockbuster Half-Life franchise, in one action-packed box. The Orange Box includes Half-Life 2: Episode Two, Portal, and Team Fortress 2 in addition to full versions of the award-winning Half-Life 2 and Half-Life 2: Episode One for an engrossing first-person action experience.

First Impressions by Tanx
Video Game Reviews by a Very Busy Math Teacher

Play for: 4 Hours

Valve had the idea with Half-Life 2 of splitting a sequel into episodes, each smaller than a full game but released in rapid succession (at least for Valve.) This sounds like a good idea, so I’ll be releasing my review of the Orange Box in the form of three episodes, each 1/3 as amusing as a full review. First up, Portal!

This must be the most topological video game ever made. Topology, for those who skipped undergrad mathematics, is the mathematical study of surface and shape, and the intrinsic properties therein. Imagine making a doughnut out of an infinitely stretchable plastic and being told that you can turn it into any shape you like, so long as there are no sharp edges in the transition, and no cutting or pasting. It becomes pretty clear that no matter how you twist or mangle your object, there is still going to be exactly one hole… this is an intrinsic property of the doughnut. A coffee mug is topologically equivalent to a doughnut because it also has only one hole, i.e. the handle.

In Portal you take very simple topological objects and make them dizzyingly complex by adding holes. Consider the following Paper Mario thought experiment. You are Paper Mario, and you are in a two-dimensional room, i.e. you’re sitting in a square. You have a Portal gun, so you make an orange portal on one wall and a blue portal on another. The Portals connect immediately… this can be done by cutting the square out and bending it through the 3rd dimension to connect the doors. If the doors are on opposite walls, you bend the paper to make a tube. On adjacent walls, you make a sort of dart. Capiche?

Now imagine the same process in three dimensions. Opening up two portals requires a fold or bend in a 4th dimension so that they can connect up. This is analogous to the square being folded, but we have trouble imagining it because we are three dimensional beings, and do not perceive a 4th dimension. But now imagine that each time you shoot a new set of portals, the previous fold remains and you just fold again to make the new connection. We’re talking serious mathematical complexity here!

his sort of thing has got to create all sorts of theoretical problems. I’m not up on my High School Physics, so I invite any of you out there to write in with information, but consider this. If you place a blue portal in the ceiling above you and an orange portal in the floor below you, and the two connect, you begin to fall forever. Doesn’t this represent an infinite potential energy well? Is this some violation of the impossibility of a perpetual motion machine? Oh how I wish I’d paid attention in Mechanics rather than secretly doodling math equations in the back of the room. Or drawing 5000 sided figures. Yes, I did that once during a single boring class period. 5000 sides. Try it. It isn’t easy. You have to have a heck of a lot of crenellations.

Portal is so funny and so ingenious that it is very difficult to say anything amusing about it. In fact, I’m feeling particularly sober right now, so I’m going to use the rest of this space to explain my ratings system. I imagine that my hordes of fans (please form a horde anytime now) have wondered in their casual time, say, Tanx, how do you go about assigning those numerical scores to a game?

Portal is a perfect example. Graphics… how intricate and creative, or how visually stunning are the sights this game provides? Think Odin Sphere or Gears of War for high scores. Portal was perfectly fine but nothing special… the definition of a 4.0. Audio. I admittedly know nothing about audio. I’m so backwards I use my TV speakers. Thus, my audio score, an informed reader should know, is based wholly on audio content rather than quality. Did the funny sounds and recorded speeches and orchestral score make me happy? Thus, Portal gets a high score for witty dialogue. Playability I figure is a measure of how fun it is to play, how professional the interface, and how many times I got up and threw my controller across the room in frustration. Portal is top-notch. Finally, value. How much entertainment do you get for your buck with this game? How many hours of gainful exercise did it provide? Portal is fantastic but short, thus the score.

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