Tekken 6

Tekken 6 marks my fourth entry into the King of Iron Fist tournament, and yet I still can’t tell the difference between protagonists Jin and Kazuya Mishima. Now that Heihachi guy… he’s distinctive! I can only hope that after a lifetime of playing Tekken iterations, perhaps by the time we’re up to Tekken 40 or so, I too will have bald head parted by lofty gray wings of hair like him. Kick-butt electric martial arts power and a multinational evil corporation would be nice too. I’m going to put that on my Amazon wish list right now: Tekken 40 silver conglomerate ultra tycoon kung-fu chicken edition.

Plotting Points by Tan(x)
Video Game Reviews by a Very Busy Math Teacher

Game: Tekken 6
Platform: Xbox 360
Played For: 12 hours

So why purchase another Tekken fighting game when you know you have at least three of them sitting dusty on your shelves, and you know equally well that most of the core game will be the same as in every previous installment? Tekken 6 actually does a pretty good job of making it worth your while, even disregarding its status as the first Tekken on the next gen platforms. For one thing, the expanded panoply of characters to choose from is impressive, to say the least. Just about every old favorite is back, and their ranks are joined by several new additions

Bob (blob?) is the new token fat guy fighter, obviously a new fad as there’s a similar dude in Street Fighter as well. Actually, both of them make me think of the rather incredible Sammo Hung, a friend of Jackie Chan who wrote and co-starred in the 1984 Hong Kong action film Wheels on Meals. Hung proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that it is possible to be overly chunky and yet incredible nimble and light on the feet. Do yourself a favor and rent it right away!

Also of interest are the Middle Eastern fighter Zafina (who wins the prize for weirdest new martial arts moves… can the human body really move that way without multiple serious joint dislocations?) and the anime robot girl Alisa Bosconovich (extra points added for her tendency to have her head pop off during various moves and for the chainsaws that spring from her wrists). Additional new characters Lars (the central protagonist), Leo and Miguel were less interesting to my eye, so I leave the discovery of their unique talents to you.

The last new character, a giant Egyptian pharoah dragon boss named Azazel, I could have done without. In a game that is otherwise very friendly to underskilled players like myself, this ending boss you have to fight at the end of practically every single player mode is just too hard even on easy mode. Beating it with some basic strategy seems to be a matter of chance, making two wins in a row a goal that can require many, many attempts. Plus, it just seems silly that a creature that big and impressive would meet an opponent on such even ground. You have to beat Azazel in order to unlock the quirky ending animations for each character, a task that will have you either wringing your hands in frustration or actually learning the character moves on a deeper level… and who wants to spend the time to do that?!

The Tekken series is no stranger to silliness, which has always been one of its greatest charms. Expect in this installment a full complement of pigs and sheep and dancing bears, boxing kangaroos and robots and punks, and a near endless supply of ridiculous clothing. Add to this some very weird stages, including a South American tomato-tossing festival, an alpine glade full of sheep and merry yodeling, and an abstract apocalyptic stage with major monuments hovering at odd angles in the air. In the face of all this frivolity, it is probably too much to expect that the story of Tekken should make even an iota of sense. But Tekken 6 really outdoes the previous installments, including a full story mode with all manner of craziness played with an unwavering straight face.

My wife happened to wander into the room as I was watching a dialogue scene unfold between several brooding Tekken characters… most likely Lars, Alisa and Lars’s commando unit buddy. She immediately noted that every character seemed to be staring at their shoes… for some reason Tekken characters all like to keep their chins way down. Whether this is an outbreak of chronic bad posture, or just a protective mechanism to avoid iron-fist-to-the-jaw disease, it starts to be pretty funny during big confrontational scenes.

Also of interest in the story mode is the use of multiple languages. Without explanation, each character speaks in their own native language at each other, whether it be English, Japanese, Chinese or otherwise. This left the question… should we be assuming all of these characters are multi-lingual, or is this one gigantic Tower of Babel situation where no one really understands what anyone else is saying? I mean, come on… how many of these martial arts experts could really be simultaneously fluent in both Chinese and Bear Growl (who knew that was even a language?!)

Spending a lot of time with story mode is a good idea, not just for those dedicated to unraveling the byzantine Tekken plot (also, a few of the story segments are surprisingly entertaining… there is one surprise sequence in which robot girl Alisa has a mid-air battle with a military helicopter… that was pretty neat!) In addition to earning money to purchase stuff with, you can pick up treasure chests that unlock character customization items on the cheap. Why spend oodles of virtual cash on new clothing when you can get the same exciting fashion by beating people up?

Clothes come with small ability modifiers, adding elemental damage to attacks, increasing hit points, or making other useful adjustments. I’m kind of jealous… it would be great if my socks increased my movement speed or made me slightly smarter or something. While there is certainly a lot of sartorial choice to unlock, it felt like a little bit of a cop out that many items are exact duplicates of each other except in different colors. I await the inevitable DLC wardrobe of the future to expand on the characters’ visual repertoire.

While I’m mostly a single-player type of reviewer, I did venture into a few online matches for the sake of getting the whole picture of the game. For many players this is probably the most important thing, and I’ve heard rumblings that there have been issues with lag in online matches. My own experience, however, was quite good… I played through about twenty matches, and the experience was fast, fun and professional. Of course, this was an early Sunday morning, so there is a chance it wasn’t peak time for net traffic.

Tekken has always been a very strong lineage among fighting games. From the ease with which one can begin playing to the deep strategy of mastering each character’s combos (learn to juggle!) Tekken provides an enjoyable play experience for both newbies and veterans of the genre. I really liked the karate belt ranking system that matches you up to players of similar ability, and the impressive scalability of the AI. Tekken 6 feels like the definitive Tekken experience, and it should easily satisfy all of our King of Iron Fist Tournament needs for this generation of consoles.